On being “mid-thirties”Posted: August 9, 2012
I didn’t care about turning 30. I thought it would be some huge thing, but it really wasn’t. It’s funny how the older you get, the more your idea of “old” changes. I can remember being in high school, thinking 35 was ancient. Ha!
I work at a store with a few older women (no, I don’t consider any of them “old” – they don’t act it, they don’t look it) and things are changing. All of my “moms” are leaving me. Abandoning me. On October 3, my beloved manager is retiring and will leave me as the oldest person in the store. I’ve never been the oldest person at my store. I’m “only” 35. It’s been a tough year at work, and although I do not blame any of them for leaving – I feel like I’m being abandoned. It’s hard not to feel that way when you’ve worked together as long as we have – they are my people, my chosen family, my “extra” moms and sisters.
I’m not where I thought I would be at 35. I don’t know what I thought that would be, but this isn’t it. I have great friends, great husband, great family, great puppies – but I’m just unsettled, I guess. I am luckier than a lot of people, and I am grateful for what I have – but something just seems off.
I’ve been so busy trying to grow the other blog that tonight I just had to come back to my familiar little corner of the internet and talk. While I would like for the other blog to get bigger and more popular, is it wrong that I want this one to stay the way it is and has been? Everyone needs their safe place, and up until now, oddly enough – my safe place was work.
I don’t have that anymore.
I think my work life is screwing with my head. I don’t know that it’s necessarily the big 3-5 that is messing with me – it is just coincidental. It’s a year of change. Hopefully it will end up being a change for the better, but right now it sure doesn’t feel that way.
Think of me on Thursday. I have a feeling that 35 is going to hit me pretty hard.